Self Talk

I’m not sure the title I’ve given to this is the proper technical name for “talking to yourself”, but it’ll do until I can come up with the right one.

When we were young, we all used to “look askance” at someone who “talked to himself”. I guess I still do, to a certain extent. That is, someone who “mumbles” things that can’t really be heard by anyone else. We think maybe there’s a “button loose”.

Now that I’m 85, I no longer do that “look” as I once did. Oh, if someone obviously is just mumbling, while not paying attention to anyone else, I suppose I would notice.

Sometime back, I heard someone say that, after living by yourself for awhile, you may have a tendency to make a comment that once would be only a silent thought, but now is openly expressed. Not loudly, necessarily. Or, if accompanied by someone, it WOULD be expressed aloud.

I don’t know.

I mention this now, because just this afternoon as I was returning alone to The Grand Court (my present domicile) from the Mall, I passed a sign promoting “The Springfield Browns Fans”. With both windows wide open, and the wind swirling around my crew cut, I found myself saying aloud: “Springfield Browns!!? There‘s no team in Springfield named The Browns!” Then 5 seconds later, I said, (also aloud): “Oh…….. CLEVELAND Browns fans - in Springfield! I get it!”

I’ve been trying to remember other instances like that.

“Oh pshaw! The Library closes at 5:00 on Sunday, rather than 6:00?”

(It was 5:20, and I had rushed to get there before 6:00 because I was out of books, having just completed The Mitford Series). The last time I wanted to go on Sunday evening, I had the presence of mind to call, and I found out that the library “closes at 6PM Saturdays, and 5PM on Sundays”. Today, I thought I had remembered 6:00 both days.

“Oh……..Speedway has an ATM owned by Chase Bank. Praise the Lord. I’ll save nearly ten bucks this week on that.” (I’m going to Florida on Thursday to visit my granddaughter Kelly and her family, and I’ll need cash.) Chase is my bank.

“Oh….. I think I’ll open the patio door?” To whom am I speaking?

MYSELF!

Glory be! (I only THOUGHT that as I said it. I can THINK things, too, without saying anything out loud, you know.)

“Oh……I wonder if Jim, Joyce and Charlotte are eating at Perkins today?” Then, “I don’t have to turn here, I can go around the corner.”

“Oh..there’s their car.”

Did anybody hear that? I hope not!

A couple of times I’ve heard someone talking to themselves, and I say (to friends, mind you), “Do you learn much that way?”

Thinking about this now, I find I can’t very well distinguish what I’ve thought from what I might have said out loud today. In my apartment, there’s no one to tell me whether I spoke or not.

“Oh right! ‘Family Reunions’. That’s a good subject for a short posting. Where’s my BlackBerry. I’ll write that down.”

Now I’m worried.

What have I said, and what have I just thought, today? I can’t really remember, but I’m going to pay more attention, now that I’m remembering that I’m 85, and MAY “think out loud” occasionally.

“Brethren, pray for us!”, I’m thinking.

I just remembered (not out loud): The Bible says, “Speaking to yourselves in psalms. hymns and spiritual songs, making melody in your hearts to the Lord.” (I just remembered that, but it may NOT be quoted accurately.) I’m thinking.

If there is anymore listing of “talking aloud to myself”, it was after what I have just written.

Later:

I don’t know about this. It’s now 9:10PM and I have been sitting here writing some other posts for my blog, and just now, I felt chilly. I looked over at the open patio door, and into the darkness, I said, “Oh….No wonder it’s cold. I’d better shut the door.” Out loud!

Whew!

Still later:

Just now, getting ready for bed, I began thinking about what I’ve written here, and thought maybe I DIDN’T say something out loud - even though I just reported that I did.

I DID say out loud, “Oh….maybe I DIDN’T say that.

I laughed out loud, uproariously.

Can a man REALLY be crazy if he can laugh that loudly at himself? I doubt it.

I’m Goin’ to bed. (Silently)

Yet later:

Whew. It’s now 10:15, and I’ve just been thinking. Actually, I’ve been listening - in bed - to the Boston Pops Orchestra playing some old Frank Sinatra selections, and also thinking.

I said to myself (not out loud). “Why isn’t it OK to either just think some thoughts or words, or say them out loud? When I think these thoughts and words, they make sense. When I say them out loud, they still make sense.”

What do you think of that?

(Since I can’t get an answer from you right now, what makes the difference if I ask the question in my mind, then on this screen, or aloud in this room - basically to myself?) I just thought that - no sound.

I’m still listening to the Boston Pops. They’re playing now, “The Shadow of Your Smile.” Previously, there has been, “Fly Me To The Moon”; “New York, New York”; “Strangers in the Night”; “Night and Day”, etc. Very conducive to thinking, not talking.

Boy this thinking about whether or not I’m talking to myself or not is “invigorating”. I may never decide which is better.

Whew!

I’m going back to bed.

Just started to play, “Chicago”.

It’s 10:25.

Did I make it clear that I’m listening to ear plugs from my iPod? If there WERE someone in the room, they couldn’t hear either the music, OR my thoughts, unless I verbalized them.

Good night!

Next day:

“Two-seventy five!!”, I said aloud in the car with the window open. “Whatever happened to fifteen cents a gallon?!” Of course, foolishly harking back to my early childhood, when my Uncle Ed Stover sold SOHIO gas, and was in a “gas war” with the two other gas stations in town. (The Speedway sign ACTUALLY said “2.75”).

Have mercy! Do you know where I can get a horse and buggy real cheap?

I’ve decided that talking out loud, even when by yourself, does not NECESSARILY indicate you’re crazy!

Though I’ve always said, “If you think you are, you’re not!” Crazy, that is. I don’t know about the reverse. If you think you’re not….are you?

Whew, again!

I THINK I'm not crazy!